My favorite book in high school was Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. It tells the story of Victor's creation, a grotesque, sentient being who is tortured by his desire to be loved but can't be because of his appearance. The creation's heart was good in the beginning but because of all the hurt he experiences as he is denied, turned away, secluded, he eventually morphs into a murderer.
He becomes the thing others always thought he was.
I was thinking of that book as I drove to pick up Thing 2 at preschool. The afternoon sun always hits my windshield at the same angle and casts a lovely glow over the dashboard. But today's light was different because over Winter Break a rock hit my windshield. We were headed to Legoland for a family day of fun and we just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and a semi's lane change resulted in a now six inch crack in my window.
I should get the window fixed, I know. It's foolish not to considering we have the money and we have the time but I love this fracture because when the light hits the splinter just right, it reminds me of all the hurt in my heart and how I am fractured too. It reminds me of how I am like that monster Victor created - a sentient being who desires love. It reminds me of how easily I could have let all my pain turn me into the thing others always thought I was.
Fractures and splinters and cracks let in the light. And when the light passes through the jagged edges it presents with a certain shine. A shine that is blindingly beautiful in its purity.
Maybe I loved Shelley's book because I carried a lot of hurt around when I was a kid. Maybe I loved it because it was well-written. Maybe I loved it because it was the beginning of my new story about who I was, what I deserved and what I knew to be true.
Turns out I was in the right place at the right time on that cold December day. That fracture is the prettiest thing I have ever seen.
You are so talented ... Everything you write is beautifully written. I know you are an English teacher, but you make me wish I could be such a good writer like you.
ReplyDeleteWe all have hurt, it's what we share. The key difference between people is how they have chosen to deal with it. Those who accept it can learn, while those who can't (maybe because of society) are left to deal with it. These experiences can be manifested into something beautiful or not.
ReplyDeleteThis all tied in together so nicely. Fractures are just areas for our lights to shine through.
ReplyDeleteThis is great to think about when seeing the fractures in my life. Why can't my journals be this amazing?😭
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