Daily Journal - My Letter to You

Dear AP Language Students,

Where do I begin?  I just spent some time this afternoon (before kid pickup and between baths and reading stories and packing lunches and serving dinner and laughing with the hubby) reading your letters.  And oh my.  Y'all are all over the place and I love being able to see you...The highlights?  Laugh out loud lines and sincere gratitude.  Oh, but the best part was me having to ask my 6 year old what "fleek" means.  I'm old, y'all, but she explained it well.  At least she's learning something at school.

I suppose I am writing this letter publicly in response to a few requests to do so and partly because I want you to know that who I am (or at least who you think I am) is a daily effort of choosing joy.  You know I'm not stupid (insert all academic accolades that mean nothing really but got my college education paid for) so I think you realize that my emphasis on kindness and joy isn't because I'm dumb or have lived a perfect life or come from money or have no scars.  In fact, the scars I have (the ones I think we all have) are the exact reason I choose joy.  Those scars that I carry could have made me a warrior for competition, survival, dominance, victory.  Instead I am a warrior for love.  And if this turns you off, dear reader, this letter is definitely for you.

Love is what has saved me, what has literally allowed you to meet me and know me.  Without love, I would not be here. I would not have two daughters.  I would not have an obsession for Dark Horse Coffee and this ridiculously good dark chocolate that is my saving grace.

Love always wins.

That's why I made you write letters today...to get a glimpse and peek into whether or not you're letting down some barriers - whether or not you are letting some love in.  Most of you are and that's the good stuff.  That's why I'm at PLHS.  That's why I LOVE my job and that's why I love you.

But I wasn't always into joy or kindness or love.

My best friend in college used to say she loved everything - the frozen yogurt in the commons, the cute boy who lived in Upper 7th, the song we were listening to, anything and everything and my 18 year old self hated it.  In fact, we had a whole 3 am - sitting in a booth at Denny's - eating goodness knows what-conversation about her annoying use of the word love to describe everything.

I told her, "You can't say 'love' to everyone and everything. It makes the word hollow and ring untrue. If you love that grilled cheese and you love me as your best friend, are we equal in your heart?  It makes no sense!"

That debate still rages on to this day except now I'm the one trying to convince her that your heart can stretch and is capable of holding so very much love.

"Oh, Yo, " she says, "Cali has made you into such a softie."

Maybe it has but I like this less cold, closed off version of me better.  And everyone around me does too.

So I get it.  Those of you who are still trying to figure "it" out.  I'm convinced it will come.  But hear me when I say, being a warrior for love doesn't hurt half as much as watching from the sidelines.

Every ounce of love I pour into you - into eye contact, emails, lunch invites, conversations, reading your journals, planning lessons, prepping you for tests, making you dance, laughing out loud - all of that?  Well, that's my wholehearted attempt to leave this world a better place.

When I was in high school I had a binder - the same kind some of you have with a clear cover.  I didn't have anything adorning my binder - at least not like the other kids did. I just had this quote that I really loved written by Ralph Waldo Emerson.  I saw that quote every single day.  You know what it said?  It said,

“To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.”

A couple of you have birthdays tomorrow.  Emerson's birthday was May 25th.  That's also mine.  I'm 39 right now and that quote I carried around over 20 years ago is making my heart explode.

Did I laugh often and much today?
Yes.

Did I win the respect of intelligent people?
Sure sounds like I did based on over 100 letters.

Do I have the affection of children?  My birth children, those I have claimed as my own, and you? Yes.

Am I leaving this world a better place?
You tell me.

Will I fall asleep tonight knowing even one life had breathed easier because I have lived?
Yes.

Success comes in many forms.

With love and gratitude,
Your Teacher