Daily Journal #147 - Happy Valentine's Day

It took me about a decade of really hard work to become the woman I am today.  Most of you see me as I am now, but none of you know who I used to be and how I used to traverse the world.

As a child of divorce, it should come as no surprise that I did not trust men.  It's cliche but completely true.  Men - based on my experience with them - hurt you, left you, and harmed you.  Every birthday I celebrated felt like a reminder of my broken home (my parent's divorce was finalized on my 11th birthday) and every superficial birthday card that I received from my father up until his death a year and a half ago, felt like a slap in the face.

Every relationship I had previous to the one with my husband was more like a game.  I even (sadly) referred to the poor guys who attempted to woo me as "toys".  I know.  I know.  NOT GOOD.

Five weeks after graduating from college, I met my husband and despite my best efforts to not fall head over feet, I fell head over feet.  But even in the beginning of that relationship, I was not wholeheartedly invested.  I was cautious, waiting for the other shoe to drop, poised to run at the first sign of discord.

Lucky for me, the universe sent me a human being who was (and is) far more evolved than me.  I began to learn about love from my greatest teacher, but it wasn't until I was on an airplane flying to Chicago that I got cracked open.

I always travel with a book and with my Moleskin so after the plane reached its cruising altitude, I settled into my seat and opened up a library book I had heard about - The Seven Laws of Spiritual Success by Deepak Chopra.

When I got to the the 7th law - dharma - I lost it.  On the plane, over the Midwest, next to my new husband, I lost it.  Never had I read anything so absolutely true.  My life was humming with energy and goodness and I felt like a fish in water.  Everything I was experiencing was natural and pure including my budding belief in love.  

That book and that moment in time are the reasons you have the version of me that you do.

That book was the beginning of my journey through healing, through true partnership, through motherhood, through depression, through becoming the best version of myself.  

So on this Valentine's Day, I wish you all love and kindness and compassion.  I wish you all safety and happiness.  I wish you all the ability to see yourself for the amazing people you are.  

xoxo

P.S. - A little treat...even though I'm pretty sure he's singing to me.  Ha!