With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, I feel compelled to say that the idea of love is beautiful but it gets sullied with the commercial/material nature of business, consumption, and marketing. Such is the Hallmark tendency of our society. Your love and its strength is measured by the size of the teddy bear, the number of balloons, the quality of chocolates, the number of roses.
Most who know me know that I am an exception to the the female norms Brene Brown put forth in her 2012 TED Talk. I am not "nice, modest, [or] thin". Nor do I devote "all available resources to [my] appearance". The last time I wore make-up was when I was the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding in 2004. I looked good, but I got all dolled up for my girl and not for me. I don't feel the need to wear make-up or get my nails done or devote much time to my exterior. What's funny though is that I don't think I am hard on the eyes even though I care very little about what I physically look like when it comes to decorations. (There's that lack of modesty...and for the record, I do obviously care about my health but not in a numbers on the scale, thigh gap, pants size kind of way.)
I am also not the "norm" when it comes to February 14th. My guy knows that I don't want or need anything materialistic on that day or any day. I am surrounded by his love every second of my life (gross...even writing that made me puke in my own mouth, but it's true). Ours is not a perfect union but it works and after almost 18 years together, we are a team with a language all our own.
When he walks into the room (and after my heart stops fluttering) we have a full on conversation with our eyes. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes (that bugs the heck out of me). He knows when I'm lying about my feelings (but probably not about the twenty in my wallet), and he says that I am only getting better with age.
When we got married so many years ago, I wore black. Our witness was a lady named Maria - a secretary in one of the offices at City Hall. Another woman officiated the ceremony and we took a Polaroid of the whole affair when it was done (it cost $5). We then walked across the street to the Harbor and called our families to say, "Happy Wednesday. Guess what we just did...We got married!"
And then the real work of love began. Not the fairy tale version of it either. The real life version that is the chapter after "...and they lived happily ever after"; the real life version that includes taxes, mortgages, doing laundry, sharing a bathroom, having children, building a life together.
So as I pause to wish you all love, know where I am coming from. It's not about the gifts or the teddy bears or the roses or the picnics on Mexican blankets (not that there's anything wrong with that). Love is about acceptance and liberation every day that ends in "y".
Signed,
A Love Warrior
(my favorite t-shirt shop - SuperLove Tees...check them out.)
Thank you for the reminder <3
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