I find it difficult to look some people in the eyes because I see things I don't want to see.
My mom says it's the bruja in me and I think I get it from my grandmother. I grew up in a household where the curandera would rub your body with a cold egg while chanting and whispering to scare away the evil spirits, where you would swallow a spoonful of sugar when te asustaste, where you had to touch something you admired so you wouldn't give someone el mal ojo.
Needless to say, I'm a bit trippy.
But these weird things have always just happened to me. I knew before anyone else that my cousin was ill because when he walked in the room I saw sickness. I knew what my first daughter was going to look like because I dreamed her face months before I met her. I knew that my then boyfriend was going to be my husband when I held his hand.
I believe deeply in many things but none more than my gut and my intuition.
But it isn't something I advertise.
Because sometimes I see things I don't want to see and once you ring the bell you can't unring it.
So I keep most of what I see inside - inside in these little pockets of space carved from heartbreak and stretchmarks. I tuck them away and pretend they're not there but sometimes - if I'm not careful - they spill out and I can barely stand to be around anybody.
Forgive me if I look away.
I love you. You're awesome and strong and life is, well, life. I guess we all have our "trippy" sides and that's what makes us different from the rest of the world. You are a blessing to each of us. You always refer to what you call "it". Some people don't get "it" yet. Maybe I don't either. However, the fact that I know "it" exists is what keeps me going back and paying attention in your class. I want my life to have a piece of "it" as a part of my complicated puzzle. See you tomorrow. Sending love.
ReplyDeleteWow. That's the only word that comes to mind after reading this. It is so beautiful and your words have such true meaning and wonder my mind is blown every time. Thank you for constantly sharing.
ReplyDeleteI always love when you post your daily journals here! Your stories are always intriguing and your writing is inspirational. Thank you for sharing them!
ReplyDeleteYou have to write a book, I'd love to read that. You're a very interesting and caring person and I think we could a learn a little
ReplyDeleteI find this similar to Cisneros' work. Wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteFavorite blog post
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