...to rumble.
Semester 2, Day 1.
See y'all there.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Breakfast with a Man Who Knows Literature
My family let me sleep in this morning. And I needed that. I was under my covers last night by 7pm and I slept until two hours ago. The hubby made me some lemon water and delivered it to me in bed. Then Thing 1 and 2 "made" me coffee and knocked on the bedroom door with, "Mommy, special delivery!".
After I made my way to the kitchen, I found scrambled eggs just like I like them and I sat down to eat across from a man who knows literature like I do. And we got to talking and thinking and sharing. It all culminated with some Dylan Thomas and some of the undying optimism that makes my world go 'round.
He said to me, "I'm glad you got 12 hours of sleep. You needed it. Sometimes when things end, it can get a little messy. Any experience that involves people...".
So enjoy some Dylan Thomas. Read it and own it. And for the love of all that is good in this world, make good choices tonight.
Happy Saturday.
Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953
Do
not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Dear Tribe
Dear Tribe,
Wow. Just wow.
My beloved Maya Angelou says that when you're in the midst of struggle you should say thank you. She also says that us human beings need to remember that God put a rainbow in the clouds so we should all strive to be a "rainbow in someone else's cloud".
Thank you for being my rainbows.
Last night after I posted for my juniors, my phone started to blow up - emails, texts, comment notifications on my phone, Facebook messages. They all appeared as I sat with my sadness and felt hurt.
I didn't try to hide from my feelings. I felt them completely. And it sucked.
But in the midst of grabbing another tissue, I whispered "thank you" to no one in particular. In the midst of splashing water on my face, I whispered "thank you" to my haters. In the midst of staring at the clock change from 1:00 am to 1:30 am, I whispered "thank you" to the people who lifted me up.
And then this morning, I was surrounded by my seniors who brought me coffee, homemade chocolate I can actually eat, and hugs that lasted just long enough to remind me that I am not deserving of darkness. No one is.
I love that you still read and troll my blog.
I love that you get what I try to do in Room 853.
I love that you literally circled up around me and protected me from the ones you thought hurt me.
I love that you care.
In gratitude,
Beltran
P.S. - I'll let you know if I start running another blog...Invitation only.
Wow. Just wow.
My beloved Maya Angelou says that when you're in the midst of struggle you should say thank you. She also says that us human beings need to remember that God put a rainbow in the clouds so we should all strive to be a "rainbow in someone else's cloud".
Thank you for being my rainbows.
Last night after I posted for my juniors, my phone started to blow up - emails, texts, comment notifications on my phone, Facebook messages. They all appeared as I sat with my sadness and felt hurt.
I didn't try to hide from my feelings. I felt them completely. And it sucked.
But in the midst of grabbing another tissue, I whispered "thank you" to no one in particular. In the midst of splashing water on my face, I whispered "thank you" to my haters. In the midst of staring at the clock change from 1:00 am to 1:30 am, I whispered "thank you" to the people who lifted me up.
And then this morning, I was surrounded by my seniors who brought me coffee, homemade chocolate I can actually eat, and hugs that lasted just long enough to remind me that I am not deserving of darkness. No one is.
I love that you still read and troll my blog.
I love that you get what I try to do in Room 853.
I love that you literally circled up around me and protected me from the ones you thought hurt me.
I love that you care.
In gratitude,
Beltran
P.S. - I'll let you know if I start running another blog...Invitation only.
Finals are Finished *UPDATED
*Please remove me from your google doc. I'm no longer reading and do not want access to your work. Thank you!
Enjoy your weekend and congratulations on the end of the first semester. Only 18 weeks left with me. :)
See you next week.
Enjoy your weekend and congratulations on the end of the first semester. Only 18 weeks left with me. :)
See you next week.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Important - Please Read
It should come as no surprise that a series of seemingly unrelated events have transpired in the past few hours that have led me to an important conclusion. Effective immediately, as in right now, Daily Journals are no longer required for the class.
I am a kind, open, vulnerable person who - in case you haven't noticed - is a human being with feelings. I think it is unhealthy and unwise of me to continue to ask for journals from you for the following reasons:
1. A significant majority of you have not practiced the writing on a daily basis.
2. A plethora of journals that I read are written after the fact and therefore not authentic work.
3. I have come to find out too much information about you and your peers, most of which alters the way I see you and therefore interact with you.
4. Because some of my interactions with you have to be fabricated in some way (due to my strong mind palace), it is lessening my ability to be my authentic self which is manifesting in worry, concern, and confusion on who you actually are and leading to severe distrust.
5. The journals, for some, have become less a place for writing and more a place for ranting. While I am all for emotional discourse, too many of you are cutting other people down and discussing things that are really none of your business. *And due to the fact that so many of you comment on the "kiss ass" nature of those who post comments on the blog, I will also no longer be posting comments either. If you would like to comment, I will read the comments myself and email you personally.
6. Because I am an observer, am intelligent, and am highly in touch with what I deem "energy", I am swirling in "stuff" that I no longer want to be in.
7. I am tired of reading things about my class and my teaching and my style that are negative or rude or completely off base especially considering NONE of you have EVER been in my class before and to the best of my knowledge have not taken AP Language.
8. I am defeated and now believe that what I am trying to do is better suited in a different environment.
I am going to continue to write for my own benefit as I do consider it a valuable practice. However, I will no longer post them online. If you choose to continue as well, I wish you all the best. Writing daily will open up many doors that are currently closed. The writing will also help with the personal statements some of you will be writing for college.
I have also decided to take my own advice that "no is a complete sentence". Over summer, I will email you personally to offer you a letter of recommendation. Should you need one or want one from me, I would be more than happy to write on your behalf. By letting you know that I am interested, I can avoid any awkwardness. Please don't ask me for a letter.
I will see you tomorrow, periods 6 & 7, and the rest of you on Monday. Good luck with the last of it.
And thank you to those whose daily writing has been a pleasure to read.
Oh, and as a word of advice to you, let us turn to the incomparable Kurt Vonnegut who said, "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - God damn it, you've got to be kind." God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
I am a kind, open, vulnerable person who - in case you haven't noticed - is a human being with feelings. I think it is unhealthy and unwise of me to continue to ask for journals from you for the following reasons:
1. A significant majority of you have not practiced the writing on a daily basis.
2. A plethora of journals that I read are written after the fact and therefore not authentic work.
3. I have come to find out too much information about you and your peers, most of which alters the way I see you and therefore interact with you.
4. Because some of my interactions with you have to be fabricated in some way (due to my strong mind palace), it is lessening my ability to be my authentic self which is manifesting in worry, concern, and confusion on who you actually are and leading to severe distrust.
5. The journals, for some, have become less a place for writing and more a place for ranting. While I am all for emotional discourse, too many of you are cutting other people down and discussing things that are really none of your business. *And due to the fact that so many of you comment on the "kiss ass" nature of those who post comments on the blog, I will also no longer be posting comments either. If you would like to comment, I will read the comments myself and email you personally.
6. Because I am an observer, am intelligent, and am highly in touch with what I deem "energy", I am swirling in "stuff" that I no longer want to be in.
7. I am tired of reading things about my class and my teaching and my style that are negative or rude or completely off base especially considering NONE of you have EVER been in my class before and to the best of my knowledge have not taken AP Language.
8. I am defeated and now believe that what I am trying to do is better suited in a different environment.
I am going to continue to write for my own benefit as I do consider it a valuable practice. However, I will no longer post them online. If you choose to continue as well, I wish you all the best. Writing daily will open up many doors that are currently closed. The writing will also help with the personal statements some of you will be writing for college.
I have also decided to take my own advice that "no is a complete sentence". Over summer, I will email you personally to offer you a letter of recommendation. Should you need one or want one from me, I would be more than happy to write on your behalf. By letting you know that I am interested, I can avoid any awkwardness. Please don't ask me for a letter.
I will see you tomorrow, periods 6 & 7, and the rest of you on Monday. Good luck with the last of it.
And thank you to those whose daily writing has been a pleasure to read.
Oh, and as a word of advice to you, let us turn to the incomparable Kurt Vonnegut who said, "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - God damn it, you've got to be kind." God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater
Daily Journal #130 - Trust
After all is said and done, I am still - deep, deep,deep down inside - an introverted soul. I am layer upon layer of my experiences and scars, and I harbor a dark place where trust does not come easily. When I think about who I trust explicitly, the list is small. Who really knows the other after all? But today I got to feel safe and happy and content. I got to feel - for a few moments in my day - that there was no angle to look for and no ulterior motive hidden behind the time spent.
I used to tell my students that you gotta "butter, butter, boom" the toast before you ask for something -that you have to start with the end in mind and work your way back to step 1. Writing it down sounds truly manipulative, and I feel like I'm confessing to being a master puppeteer. I suppose I am though, at least in certain aspects of my life - like needing to get my oil changed and not having an appointment so I make sure to talk to a certain guy, like wanting to get someone off my back so I tell them exactly what they want to hear, like observing the likes and dislikes of my daughters' teachers so I can craft presents that will pretty much guarantee they're not getting lost in the cracks of a classroom.
Uggh. I sound horrible.
Is it just as bad to admit that when I see certain people coming, I adjust myself to speak a certain way, say a certain thing, create a certain moment? Is it disgusting to say that I enjoy the awkwardness when certain people obviously need something from me but they're struggling through the requisite small talk that happens right before the "so, I was wondering if...". Is it rude of me to say that I enjoy having things that some people need because it will get me the things I need later?
At any rate, all confessions aside, today I had fun with a special soul who didn't want or need anything from me. I felt like I was sitting beside a friend who listened to me as much as I listened to them. I felt no need to "perform" or "play" a particular role. I was myself, I authentically laughed, and I felt happy.
30 minutes turned into an hour that turned into two. The time flew.
And, of course, I fell in love...again.
How can you not when you trust someone?
So to my dearheart, over-the-top, flashy-as-a-peacock-fluffing-his-feathers, junkyard named friend, thank you for making a Finals Day pretty epic.
I'm a rubberband for life now. Just so you know.
xoxo
I used to tell my students that you gotta "butter, butter, boom" the toast before you ask for something -that you have to start with the end in mind and work your way back to step 1. Writing it down sounds truly manipulative, and I feel like I'm confessing to being a master puppeteer. I suppose I am though, at least in certain aspects of my life - like needing to get my oil changed and not having an appointment so I make sure to talk to a certain guy, like wanting to get someone off my back so I tell them exactly what they want to hear, like observing the likes and dislikes of my daughters' teachers so I can craft presents that will pretty much guarantee they're not getting lost in the cracks of a classroom.
Uggh. I sound horrible.
Is it just as bad to admit that when I see certain people coming, I adjust myself to speak a certain way, say a certain thing, create a certain moment? Is it disgusting to say that I enjoy the awkwardness when certain people obviously need something from me but they're struggling through the requisite small talk that happens right before the "so, I was wondering if...". Is it rude of me to say that I enjoy having things that some people need because it will get me the things I need later?
At any rate, all confessions aside, today I had fun with a special soul who didn't want or need anything from me. I felt like I was sitting beside a friend who listened to me as much as I listened to them. I felt no need to "perform" or "play" a particular role. I was myself, I authentically laughed, and I felt happy.
30 minutes turned into an hour that turned into two. The time flew.
And, of course, I fell in love...again.
How can you not when you trust someone?
So to my dearheart, over-the-top, flashy-as-a-peacock-fluffing-his-feathers, junkyard named friend, thank you for making a Finals Day pretty epic.
I'm a rubberband for life now. Just so you know.
xoxo
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Daily Journal #129 - All Over the Place *JUST UPDATED
*I just reread my own post...and I think I may have found my future tattoo in that lion. Funny how things happen for a reason...Good luck with tomorrow's finals. xoxo
Be warned: This is all over the place. Proceed with caution...
I just spent some time catching up on journals, and I read one and it cracked me open. I don't know if the kids in class could hear the hurt as it coursed through my body, or see the tears well up in my eyes.
I read something that as a teacher shocked me.
I read something that as a mother slayed me.
I read something that as a woman killed me.
I know that this blog is a "safe enough" space to write, but it is way different than you writing a Daily Journal that only I (or a select few) have access to. If I allow myself to pause for a moment, I need to acknowledge that at a bare minimum, at least a hundred people will read these words...and maybe more than that because some of my former students still read, too. So honor the fact that by posting here on the daily means I am exposing myself to more than a few curious eyes.
With that being said, let's discuss empowerment and confidence. How I wish I had more of both when I was younger. Being 16 and 17 is difficult and don't let any jaded, crusty, unaware adult tell you otherwise. How are you supposed to navigate your ship of self-confidence through waters raging with jealousy, immaturity, hormones?! How are you supposed to know how to say no when you're asked (hat in hand) to do something you know you shouldn't do? How are you supposed to have friends and not be a Social Casualty?
I can't attack all those questions just now as I eat my blueberries and mend my aching heart, but I will say this: you must say what you mean and mean what you say.
And that is a challenge.
Will you go to the dance with me?
Do you want to try this?
Have you ever...?
If I could teach a course on this campus called "What You Need to Know", my first lesson would be on the power of no. How do you say no?
I can see how much effort you went through to put this together, and I appreciate that. But I'm not interested in going to the dance with you. I hope you understand. I don't intend to hurt your feelings, but I realize I likely did. Thank you for thinking of me.
But even that? Geez...then the defeated soul will post online about what a female dog you are or make up some lies about what you have or have not done.
How will I help solve this problem? How can I possibly help?
More to think on...So much more.
P.S. - I'm back. I just checked my Facebook. I took screenshots of something that I think y'all need to read.
Be warned: This is all over the place. Proceed with caution...
I just spent some time catching up on journals, and I read one and it cracked me open. I don't know if the kids in class could hear the hurt as it coursed through my body, or see the tears well up in my eyes.
I read something that as a teacher shocked me.
I read something that as a mother slayed me.
I read something that as a woman killed me.
I know that this blog is a "safe enough" space to write, but it is way different than you writing a Daily Journal that only I (or a select few) have access to. If I allow myself to pause for a moment, I need to acknowledge that at a bare minimum, at least a hundred people will read these words...and maybe more than that because some of my former students still read, too. So honor the fact that by posting here on the daily means I am exposing myself to more than a few curious eyes.
With that being said, let's discuss empowerment and confidence. How I wish I had more of both when I was younger. Being 16 and 17 is difficult and don't let any jaded, crusty, unaware adult tell you otherwise. How are you supposed to navigate your ship of self-confidence through waters raging with jealousy, immaturity, hormones?! How are you supposed to know how to say no when you're asked (hat in hand) to do something you know you shouldn't do? How are you supposed to have friends and not be a Social Casualty?
I can't attack all those questions just now as I eat my blueberries and mend my aching heart, but I will say this: you must say what you mean and mean what you say.
And that is a challenge.
Will you go to the dance with me?
Do you want to try this?
Have you ever...?
If I could teach a course on this campus called "What You Need to Know", my first lesson would be on the power of no. How do you say no?
I can see how much effort you went through to put this together, and I appreciate that. But I'm not interested in going to the dance with you. I hope you understand. I don't intend to hurt your feelings, but I realize I likely did. Thank you for thinking of me.
But even that? Geez...then the defeated soul will post online about what a female dog you are or make up some lies about what you have or have not done.
How will I help solve this problem? How can I possibly help?
More to think on...So much more.
P.S. - I'm back. I just checked my Facebook. I took screenshots of something that I think y'all need to read.
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